Theresa May and David Davis pay FULL PRICE for DFS sofa

Satire from Southend News Network: “Staff at a branch of sofa store DFS in West London have been celebrating today after Theresa May and David Davis paid the full ticket price of £1999 for a six-seater leather corner suite with recliners.

“According to sources at the scene, they also paid the full asking price of £400 for three-years’ Scotchguard cover without attempting to knock them down.

“One sales assistant said: ‘They just walked in, pointed at a suite and said ‘that one please’ as we need a new one for the Cabinet Meeting Room – they weren’t even that bothered about potentially not getting it before Christmas.’

“‘We’ve checked our records and it’s official – they have become the first people to pay the full ticket price for one of our sofas, and they ended up paying cash because they failed the credit check for the five-year payment plan.’

“‘I even managed to slip in a bottle of suede cleaner at the end for another twenty quid – you can’t even use it on leather.’”

[Read full article on Southend News Network website…]

Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan

From The Daily Mash: “Theresa May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

“The prime minister telephoned Prince Harry’s fiancee moments after the official announcement of the royal engagement to say it was ‘probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her’.”

[Read full satirical article on The Daily Mash…]

 

Tory Cabinet Bingo

With Michael Fallon and Priti Patel both gone from the Tory Cabinet in the space of a week, how many more might you be able to cross off this card soon?

#StrongAndStable #ToryWheelsFallingOff: #MichaelFallon and #PritiPatel both gone from the #Tory cabinet in the space of a week… 😁

Posted by Stop the Tories Channel on Friday, November 10, 2017

#AllStarTories: Mugshot gallery of some of the stellar candidates to replace Theresa

Latest odds (8 Aug) from Paddy Power for the next #Tory leader:David Davis 3/1Jacob Rees Mogg 6/1Philip Hammond…

Posted by Stop the Tories Channel on Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Jonathan Pie: “This country spends millions papering over poverty with flammable cladding”… and it’s a metaphor for Tory ideology

Jonathan Pie on Tory Britain: “This country spends millions on social housing. Not building social housing or making it safe, clean and habitable, but where we spend millions papering over poverty with flammable cladding.”

Papering Over Poverty

Is austerity putting lives in danger?

Posted by Jonathan Pie on Sunday, June 18, 2017

“If that isn’t a metaphor for what this government’s ideology has done to our country, I don’t know what is.

“Cladding over poverty, so that posh people simply don’t have to look at it. Not in any way improving poor people’s lives, just ensuring that posh people don’t have to look at shitty houses. Priority #1.

“For an extra £2 you can make each section of cladding fireproof. ‘What’s the fucking point of that?’ Says it all, doesn’t it. Cladding over poverty, a veneer of compassion, a dangerous, sub-standard, least-amount-of-hassle-possible facade, to ensure the rich don’t have to acknowledge the existence or realities of being poor.

“We don’t need to make social housing better, we just need to make it look better. Because then property prices in the area will increase, and that is good for our economy, which is good for everyone… But mainly good for people in nice houses. Read more

Tory Jesus memes

These #ToryJesus memes, created by @Tory__Jesus on Twitter, have been shared thousands of times on Facebook.

If you haven't seen the phenomenal Tory_Jesus on Twitter yet, I suggest you put down whatever you're doing and kneel at…

Posted by Emlyn Pearce on Thursday, May 18, 2017

Jonathan Pie’s rant on #StrongAndStable: 7 million views and counting

Strong & Unstable

This reporter is strong but unstable.

Posted by Jonathan Pie on Sunday, May 7, 2017

Jonathan Pie says: “Even the Tories don’t think we’d be stupid enough to buy ‘Things Can Only Get Better’, cos they just can’t really, can they?”

“In the 24 months that the Tories have had a majority, they called for a public debate on the EU which was fought so appallingly and cynically that we’re now out of the EU. Strong and stable!”

“In 24 months they’ve reneged on virtually every promise they gave to the Scottish people during their referendum, which could finally lead to the eventual collapse of the United Kingdom. Strong and stable!”

“After promising he wouldn’t, Cameron resigns, leaving Theresa May, a Remainer who is now staking her premiership on getting us a Hard Brexit. It’s great to have someone of conviction at the helm, isn’t it? A Government which is currently being investigated for electoral fraud on a massive scale, by multiple police forces covering 29 constituencies. Meaning they’re either incompetent or criminal when it comes to finance. Strong and stable!”

Read more