“If the economy’s so f**king great, why I am skint?” says Britain

Satire from The Daily Mash: Britons are struggling to understand why good economic news keeps coming out but their personal finances are still up shit creek.

After wages rose faster than expected, many people are wondering when all the positive trends will lead to something actually useful like being able to buy a house.

[Read full satirical article on The Daily Mash…]

Frankie Boyle on Brexit food stockpiling…

If there’s one thing I trust this government to do, it’s to fuck up the stockpiling of food and medicines

Posted by Frankie Boyle on Friday, July 27, 2018

American Idiot moves into top 20 in charts ahead of Trump visit

From The London Economic: Green Day’s American Idiot has moved into the top 20 in the UK charts ahead of Donald Trump’s visit to the country this week.

The President is set to arrive in London on Thursday and will be welcomed with hostile crowds and a Trump baby blimp in the skies.

But protesters look to have gone one step further by launching a concerted campaign to get American Idiot to the top of the music charts.

Through a combination of purchases and streams, the song has risen to No. 1 on the Amazon sales chart, cracked the iTunes Top 10, and sneaked into the Top 20 singles chart as well.

[Read full article on The London Economic…]

NHS hoping to recover after removal of malignant lump

Satire from NewsThump: The National Health Service is hoping it can make a full recovery after having a dangerous lump removed in an emergency operation this week.

It had appeared touch-and-go for the UK’s much-loved public organisation for a number of years, but following the successful operation it is hoped there could be a brighter future for the much-beloved health care system.

“I already feel so much better in myself knowing that the cancerous fucker is gone,” said the NHS.

“My doctors had told me that the problems were spreading at an alarming rate, and they were seeing symptoms everywhere.

[Read full satirical article on NewsThump…]

Have I Got News For You on Arlene Foster’s cash machine…

From Have I Got News for You:

As it’s revealed 300 cash machines are closing every month, Arlene Foster confirms that hers is still in perfect working order:

Posted by Have I Got News For You on Friday, June 29, 2018

Theresa May holds up Belgium football shirt in PR gaffe on day of England’s World Cup match

From the Guardian: At the start of a summit of EU leaders in Brussels, the British prime minister was ambushed by the Belgian prime minister, Charles Michel, who presented her with a Belgian football team top ahead of the England v Belgium World Cup game.

Theresa May held up the strip, before realising that doing so might be a PR gaffe, and appeared to attempt to hide it away. Unfortunately her fellow leaders pointed to the TV monitors showing her reaction live to a packed hall of reporters.

[Read full article on Guardian website…]

Jeremy Corbyn owns Theresa May at PMQs over Boris’s Trump comments

Theresa May is owned by Jeremy Corbyn, and the look on her face is highly amusing!

This is what they called 'being owned' 🔥🔥🔥

This is what they called 'being owned' 🔥🔥🔥

Posted by Owen Jones on Wednesday, June 13, 2018

David Schneider on DUP hypocrisy…

DUP on Brexit: How dare you contemplate Northern Ireland being different from the rest of the UK!DUP on abortion: How dare you not allow Northern Ireland to be different from the rest of the UK!

Posted by David Schneider on Monday, May 28, 2018

Theresa May and David Davis pay FULL PRICE for DFS sofa

Satire from Southend News Network: “Staff at a branch of sofa store DFS in West London have been celebrating today after Theresa May and David Davis paid the full ticket price of £1999 for a six-seater leather corner suite with recliners.

“According to sources at the scene, they also paid the full asking price of £400 for three-years’ Scotchguard cover without attempting to knock them down.

“One sales assistant said: ‘They just walked in, pointed at a suite and said ‘that one please’ as we need a new one for the Cabinet Meeting Room – they weren’t even that bothered about potentially not getting it before Christmas.’

“‘We’ve checked our records and it’s official – they have become the first people to pay the full ticket price for one of our sofas, and they ended up paying cash because they failed the credit check for the five-year payment plan.’

“‘I even managed to slip in a bottle of suede cleaner at the end for another twenty quid – you can’t even use it on leather.’”

[Read full article on Southend News Network website…]

Daily Mail shares plummet 25% after announcing £112m losses

From Evolve Politics: Shares in the company that owns both the Daily Mail and MailOnline have plummeted by 25% after they announced a huge £112m loss.

The publications’ parent company DMGT made a profit of £202m in 2016, but said that ‘challenging conditions in some of our sectors’ had led to the huge losses incurred in 2017.

And, in a stark warning for the paper’s long term future, the company added that they expected 2018 to be just as tough.

#DailyFail #DailyHateMail: Shares in the company that owns both the #DailyMail and MailOnline have plummeted by 25%…

Posted by Stop The Tories Channel on Saturday, December 2, 2017

[Read full article on Evolve Politics…]

Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan

Satire from The Daily Mash: “Theresa May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

“The prime minister telephoned Prince Harry’s fiancee moments after the official announcement of the royal engagement to say it was ‘probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her’.”

[Read full satirical article on The Daily Mash…]

 

Tory councillors ridiculed as they are drowned out by traffic noise while arguing against cycle path

From Cycling Weekly: An attempt by Conservative activists to promote their campaign against a new Cycle Superhighway in south-west London has somewhat backfired after a video posted online showed three men struggling to be heard above the noise of passing traffic.

While the three men talk about how they think the segregated cycle path will “destroy the character” of the “village high street”, they are drowned out by the sound of passing cars, vans and lorries, with Cllr McGregor’s introduction also interrupted by what sounds to be a truck reversing just off camera.

The video was picked up by Guardian writer Peter Walker, who said that you “genuinely couldn’t make it up”, before other Twitter users, including a certain Ned Boulting, weighed in with their thoughts on the video, also pointing out that getting more people on bikes would reduce pollution in the area and, as shown by studies elsewhere in London, provide increased trade for local businesses.

[Read full article on Cycling Weekly…]

The Conservative Party’s Instagram shows their social media game is absolutely terrible

From BuzzFeed: “The Conservatives have been forced to come up with a new social media strategy at their annual party conference.

“Unfortunately for their electoral prospects, this involves paying to push candid mobile phone pictures of middle-aged Cabinet Office minister Damian Green holding a piece of paper into the public’s Instagram feeds.

“Shortly afterwards the Conservatives made another Instagram post: This time it was an overlit picture of defence secretary Michael Fallon sitting in a temporary office.”

[Read full article on BuzzFeed…]

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