“Inspiring observational skills you have James. I’m willing to wager that when straight women see you they think nothing at all.”
From Bored Panda: After another cyclist friend was injured by potholes, Wanksy, an artist from Greater Manchester, England, decided to act. He used washable paint to draw penises around potholes in his neighbourhood, and suddenly, they were repaired in 48 hours.
“People will drive over the same pothole and forget about it.
“Suddenly you draw something amusing around it, everyone sees it and it either gets reported or fixed.”
Satire from NewsThump: Britain is right on the brink of feeling sympathy for Theresa May but definitely isn’t actually going to have said feeling.
With the Prime Minister facing a leadership challenge having grabbed the poisoned chalice that is the position of the Brexit Prime Minister and putting up with months of fuckery from bastards ranging from Michael Gove to Boris Johnson, the embattled leader certainly cuts a lonely, sad figure.
“I nearly went ‘aww’ when I saw her on the news earlier,” confessed citizen, Hayley Rice.
“But then someone reminded me of the massive cuts to policing, the hostile environment towards immigrants and the necessary presence of food banks and I quickly snapped out of it and threw a rotten tomato at the telly.
Satire from NewsThump: Former Work and Pensions secretary Esther McVey is said to be shocked and disappointed at the benefits to which she is entitled after voluntarily leaving Theresa May’s cabinet.
“Esther is devastated to find out her income will now fall dramatically,” said a close associate.
“She’s worked bloody hard for this country, and distraught to find out that she’s literally not eligible for any sort of benefit to make up her income now she’s no longer getting a lucrative minister’s salary.”
It is understood that McVey is livid that resigning her office means that her Universal Credit could be sanctioned by up to 26 weeks.
“Esther can’t believe that the Government could be so callous and uncaring to someone like her who didn’t want to have to resign, but was forced into it by circumstances beyond her control,” continued McVey’s associate.
“Like the majority of Tory party supporters, she understands and believes in the Government’s principles of austerity, and of clamping down on benefit fraud.
“But not when it has a detrimental effect on her personally, like in how much money she gets each month.
Satire from the Rochdale Herald: Theresa May will communicate the UK’s Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance.
One insider told us, “The Prime Minister has decided that her dancing has been such a hit recently that she’ll be best to get her message across using dance. She’s been practising most nights since the party conference. Whereas her previous attempts have been more classical she has been practicing elements of street and modern dance.”
Viral comedy social video (creator unknown): “Are you looking for the perfect gift for your loved one this Christmas? Then why not try Mamma May-a – Theresa May sings the hits of ABBA!
“I can dance… I can jive… Messing around with your lives… End free movement! Stockpile beans! I am the Dancing Queen!
“Join Theresa as she travels the world, serenading emerging economies!
“Gimme gimme gimme some trade after Brexit! We can lower standards and we’ll deregulate! Gimme gimme gimme some trade after Brexit! Do away with tariffs and we’ll be your best mate!”
From The Last Leg: Following around Tory Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt while playing an annoying comedy tune on a sousaphone… as you do 😉